Whew!
Do you ever forget the one whom your soul loves?
I have to admit that lately I’ve gotten so distracted by the swirling chaos of emotion and healing that I’ve almost lost my wonder of Him.
WHAT A CONFESSION!
But I’m thinking.. maybe I’m not alone in that? Anyway else ever get a bit lost in the myriad of life that you can’t quite remember who you are or who He is? You ever feel like you are a bit lost? You wonder if you are still in there at all?
This season has felt like that for me. I’ve found myself questioning almost everything. I’ve felt confused and hopeless and lost and hurting and alone. I’ve felt like somewhere- amidst all the movement- I must have left my heart… detached from myself.
Some days I feel like I’m watching myself from the outside confused about the decisions I’m making or the ways my life seems to be shifting outside of my control. It’s been tough. Really tough.
But this past weekend we, as the Short Term Department, hosted our annual Project Leader Training Camp. This is a set apart time for us to vet and train future leaders. It’s a blast:) We had about 100 people join us from all over the United States and we listened to talk after talk and did team builder after team builder.
It reminded me of what I love and whom I love.
You see, years ago I fell in love with Jesus. And I fell in love with partnering with Him in building His Kingdom. Like an extravagant dance He and I would go to wherever He would lead and we’d simply walk out the next thing. I LOVE delighting in Him in this space and I love the way that He delights in me there.
This weekend my job was simple. Organize and run the serve team. I love this:) I had the sweet opportunity to involve some family members as well as some good friends and supporters. What a blessing they all were! And our job was to serve. Help with the kitchen, clean up after meals, keep the bathrooms clean, the coffee made, and the team builders ready. It was all behind the scenes. But I love any part of the dance with Jesus.
It’s a lot like sports. Just be a utility player. Be ready to serve in any position. See what needs exist and do your best to step into meeting those needs. I was privilege to serve our participants, my fellow STM staff and the staff at Adventures. What a joy:) And I got to play around on some fun equipment!
Man have I been missing it. I’ve actually contemplated leaving this life that I so feel created for and called to. I’ve been so focused on the broken places in my story that I’ve forgotten the victory that I stand in because of His victory in and over me. I’ve forgotten how alive I feel when building up and raising other leaders… I’ve forgotten the joy I find in taking teams out into the unknown. I love leadership and I feel so created for it.
So. After a good 15 hours of sleep to re-coop from camp, I am finding myself yearning for the Jesus I love. Yearning for the intimacy that I miss so much. And yearning to once again walk in what I feel created for.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”
I think this weekend was a sweet taste for me. A reminder that this healing season isn’t forever and that I haven’t been lost to the deep, dark chasms I feel within me and my story.
I still love and long for Him. He is STILL God. And He is STILL for me and with me. He will continue the good work that He has begun in me and He will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus.
So. To anyone else out there that feels a little lost (or a lot lost)… rest in knowing that He has you in His hands and NOTHING will be able to snatch you out of His grasp.
Jesus. Captivate me more and more. May my heart be solely yours. I say ‘yes’ to you.
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In other news, please be praying for our teams in Greece helping with the Refugee Crisis. Over the past few days the European Union (EU) and Turkey have reached an agreement that will essentially turn the Greek Island of Lesvos (where our teams have been working) into detention camps. They will be shipping certain folks back to Turkey (essentially every non-Syrian) and the Syrians will be allowed to plead asylum- but possibly denied and sent back. Our teams there on the Island watched the Greek army take over one of the biggest camps. They zip-tied all the Pakistani men together and loaded them on buses to be shipped back to Turkey. This is a big deal. Please keep praying into this. Most of the NGO’s are pulling out at as the Army takes over. We aren’t sure right now what this means for our teams or for the hundred of thousands of refugees still needing a home. Other countries in the regions are beginning to close their boarders leaving a large mass of refugees stuck in Greece. Things are getting interesting.
And on another note: so far this Spring I’ve personally mobilized 107 people to the field- which includes Greece, Gainesville, New Orleans, and Haiti.
Amen to the harvest!!
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Love you! Fall in love with Jesus more today:)
