I just have to tell this story. It’s on my mind as I think about the heart of Jesus.
Last year I went to a conference in Chicago to see Heidi Baker. During some of the worship before she spoke I just felt a bit overwhelmed by how many people were present and for whatever reason my Spirit just wasn’t settled. So I went outside into the lobby of this hotel and stood by the fire.
While I was standing there warming up and making observations as I looked around the room, my ear caught a conversation happening on the other side of the fire. It was a younger girl, maybe a twenty-something who appeared to be sharing her faith with an older man.
This older man looked to be maybe in his late 50s or 60s. It was hard to tell how much was his age and how much his exhaustion from a life of hardship. Based on his torn and dirty clothing I would say that he was a maintenance worker of some kind.
Anyway, I overheard her tell Him something about the Lord as they were in dialog and then I heard him say that He wanted to believe… but He just wasn’t there.
Now, I’m not to sure what happened but before you know it she was up and out of the conversation. I’m not sure if maybe she was young at sharing her faith and wasn’t sure where to go next in navigating the conversation or maybe there was a weird vibe… no idea. But as I tried not to glance over (though clearly I did), I just saw this mans heart sink. His eyes went to the floor and you could see the defeat in his posture.
As I watched for just a moment, I saw Jesus walk over to him and kneel down in front of him. Jesus lowered his head just enough to put his eyes in the path of this mans eyes- almost like a parent would do to a shamed child. And Jesus caught this mans gaze and smiled up at him and said, “it’s ok. I see you and I’m right here.” Jesus then began to fix the mans shoes which were falling apart.
Jesus ministered to that man right there- right where he was.
It was one of the holiest things I’ve ever seen. I saw Jesus fight to restore dignity to this man who had long since lost it.
Something in me shifted profoundly in that moment. I honestly think what I saw was an invitation from Jesus for me to step in bodily on His behalf and love on this man… which I regretfully didn’t do. But still even the quickest of glances into that moment shifted everything.
I didn’t go back in to worship with the others or to hear Heidi, whom I respect so much in ministry. I went to the hotel bar instead and had a glass of wine and asked Jesus about love. Where is it in the Church? How simple is it really just to love those in our paths? Why do we often make ministry or evangelism so complicated? How does He love me in that way?
That is the Jesus I fell in love with. That is the Jesus time and time again that I am astounded to encounter in my own life and who I want so badly to carry out into the world of the hurting and dying.
I work full time in ministry. Yet I long to be out with the poor and hopeless and addicted. Those are my people. I feel more at home in Walmart than I do in my workplace.
Somedays I want to walk beside these precious humans and say, “well done! You’re doing it! You showed up today!”
I just want to love like Jesus loves.
Oh Lord, if I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal but have not love- I am nothing. Teach me more of your ways and allow my heart to beat as yours does.
