That might be the strangest blog title yet but it is fitting to describe the transition that is happening in my life.
In many ways my life before Guatemala was like being a NASCAR driver. I was going as fast as possible in circles trying to not let others pass me or run me off the track while constantly worrying about losing control or the vehicle falling apart from excessive use or stress. One lap would end with the beginning of the next. It seemed never ending. Like building a house of cards in a tornado.
I had felt the exhaustion for a long time but I didn't see a way around it. I assumed it was a normal byproduct of life or maybe the "suffering for Christ" that any Christian would attain to. I couldn't see a solution that would allow me the much needed rest and peace that I needed and if I'm honest, I was beginning to grow weary of this Christianity.
Good news. A transition has occurred.
It's funny to think that I lost my Christianity on the mission field. But I'm tired. Tired of performing. I'm tired of trying to be what I assume God wants me to be so that He'll be pleased. I am tired of trying to put sin to death and walk in newness (in my own strength). I am tired of constantly being "on" and perceiving what others might need or want me to be. I'm just tired.
So I've decided to quit. I'm not interested anymore in trying to do or be or to somehow keep myself in God's good pleasure. This is one more area that I've been wrong in. Our heavenly Father has never been interested in what we can "do" for Him. He isn't interested in our trying to sanctify ourselves. He doesn't expect or even want us to try to come to him in some put together fashion.
We are perfectly loved, accepted, and desired by our Father simply on the basis of Jesus Christ. We find our end in Him; and we find our Beginning in Him.
I have been reminded lately of Gal 2:20 which says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. And the life that I now live I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." So in Him, in his crucifixion, I find the victory over sin- the end of my flesh with it's passions and desires; and in His resurrection, I find the ability to walk in new life- the ability to chose that which is good and pleasing in His sight.
I don't have to carry the burden anymore. Neither do you. We are free in His love to rest as we look to Him to handle all the daily affairs of life.
I traded my helmet in:) Have you?
